This question was posed in a message sent to me by an incredibly inspiring, wonderfully uplifting woman. She shared with me another woman's thoughts on this very question and I felt inclined to try to answer it for myself.
The first thing that came to mind was 'it's not the end of the world'. Life just happens and each moment, each experience, positive or painful, is just a twinkle in the sky - fleeting and beautiful, even if you can't remember the details. I would tell my young self to slow down, to enjoy what moments you have rather than the ones you wish you could conjure up or the ones you wish could disappear.
Don't be afraid to follow your heart and all its desires as that is the only path to true and immense happiness. That taking the road less travelled is a brave thing to do and will always result in something positive, even if the journey was painful. That along with making bold decisions to also be cautious in carrying them out. To think for a moment or two before jumping but always jump. Life is far too short to stand on the ledge thinking and wondering how it would feel to jump and ultimately land safely. And even if you land and break a bone along the way, the jump is always far more gratifying than standing still, toes curled over the edge in fear.
Speak up and speak from your heart. Say whatever it is you want or need to say but always with the utmost compassion for your audience. Your ideas, opinions and feelings are valid and life becomes far simpler and easy to get through if you speak openly and honestly. Don't allow anyone to discount your feelings or ideas as they belong to you just as your eyes and toes do. They are yours and you have every right to feel, think, be just as you are. Your voice is your power tool. If you speak with clarity, honesty and empathy, people will always listen.
Be kind and gentle to yourself. Treat yourself as you treat the people that matter most to you. Live with an open mind and an a open heart. This means being open to yourself and allowing for mistakes and uncertainty to be a natural part of the process rather than a hindrance to getting to where you want to go.
Take control of your own finances. Learn how to budget. Become a good saver. Ask questions if you don't know or feel unsure.
Ask for help when you need it or just plain old want it. Struggling to do something alone just for the sake of proving your independence or capabilities is unnecessary.
Learn how to say no. Say yes when fear is the only thing holding you back.
Ask questions. Never be afraid to ask a question. Question your own belief systems and make sure you are able to back up your words. Question other peoples beliefs but never in a disrespectful manner. Ask to seek your own answers. Everyone is right, yourself included. Think critically. Deconstruct everything you are taught then reconstruct it so that it makes sense to you. If you are unsure, ask more questions, read more books, find a satisfying answer.
You are not the center of the universe. What you think you know or are certain of will change a few times, if not more, in the next ten years. Be open to having your mind and ideas changed. Who you are now is only a glimpse of who you will become. Trust yourself and take advice from people that have been there and then make a decision for yourself with all of the information that's been presented to you. You don't have to do what others tell you is right, but at least take the time to listen to what is being said. Keep your offensive opinions to yourself, nobody wants or needs to hear it. Always speak with integrity and compassion. Don't bring someone down to lift yourself up. Every single person, regardless of age, race, colour, religion, size or shape has their reasons for being just as they are. If you don't like it, walk away. Keep it simple. You don't know everything or don't have an answer for every question. Respect everyone you encounter, especially people that have a little more (and a lot more) life experience than you. One day you'll be that person and understand these very words.
Have fun, let loose and don't get pregnant. Educate yourself, formally or informally and be observant of your surroundings. Read, read and read some more. Be vulnerable but stay strong. Allow people the privilege of knowing you but don't breakdown if they reject you, it has nothing to do with you. Expect the best of yourself and the people around you and always remember that everyone's best is different. Dream big, be bold and always remain humble. Remember that you are perfectly capable of doing all that you want to do, just don't get too distracted by fleeting things along the way. Finish what you start.
Never look to a man for validation of self. Your worthiness is inherent and not decided by your most current love interest. Your body is precious and you need to treat it with the utmost respect and love. The way you perceive yourself is how others will also perceive you. You decide how you will be treated, what is expected of you and how much you are willing to give. Your opinion of yourself is the only one that matters. Love yourself the most because as much as the seeds and fruit of who you are will change with time, your core will always remain the same. So love it. Love it with all your heart.
I could go on, as I probably do with some of the young people in my life but even as I write this I recognize that as much as I have learned all these lessons and more, what is more important is that I am still in the process of learning. It is only now, in retrospect, that I can see clearly. I can see all the things I wish I would have seen ten years ago. But here I am and so grateful to be 30 and full of experience and lessons learned and lessons failed. With memories that make me smile to myself and ones that bring me to tears. I am eternally grateful for all the love and support I've been given over the years and that I still can't live without. And of course, advice or anything like it is always easier said than done. So perhaps my biggest piece of advice to my 20 year old self would be to take everything with an grain of salt. Do your best to be your best and that is all anyone can expect of you. Nothing exists except this very moment. The past and the future are never completely clear so keeping your feet on the ground and eyes open is a pretty good start.
I would also tell her that she is the most beautiful girl in the world. That she is perfect just as she is.
The whisperings, whirlings, wonderings, and writings of a dreamer, a dancer, a drawer and a darling.
Learning how to love yourself like you'd love a 'little sister' - you'd treat yourself like you would a dear friend, you'd encourage yourself like you'd do for your sister, honor yourself like your wise and elegant grandmother. Love this piece, Melissa. Very inspiring. And love you.
ReplyDeleteI honor you lady!
ReplyDeleteFrom a 20 year old, thank you. I needed your wise and beautiful words!