In love and in solitude...

I've been trying to come up with another word for lonely. It's truly impossible to actually feel lonely here when there is so much to see and do. I feel like I haven't stopped moving since I got here, which is proof in and of itself that Montreal is truly a great date. But at the end of everyday I feel like a part of me hasn't been filled. The part that craves people; connecting to others through words, laughs, shared cigarettes and ideas. I haven't met a soul yet and I'm beginning to think that something is wrong with me or that perhaps I don't have the courage that I had when I was younger. I find myself staring longingly at groups of people, like a nerdy eight year old in the school yard, hoping they'll ask me to join them but, alas, they have each other and I have my bike.

I've never been one to turn my back to solitude. It's something that I typically crave and cannot live without. But this also comes from a place where a coffee date, a bottle of wine over dinner or a walk down the ave was just a phone call away. Where my nights were spent elbowing my way through hoards of intoxicated people or shouting over loud music trying to convey my thoughts on love or the political climate of the developing world. What I am beginning to understand about myself is that as much as I crave solitude in a sometimes chaotic life, I also need to feel real connections to others. With this being said and being the Libra that I am, I need balance. If the pendulum swings too far in one direction, I intrinsically look the other way for equilibrium. Solitude cannot exist without companionship. For me anyways.

As I slowly coasted down the streets of my sweet Montreal today, I came to understand that I need to be patient. To give him space to open up to me, to trust that I'm not just a fling or a one night stand. That I am here for the long haul; committed, wholeheartedly, and that I too will do my best to not disconnect my heart from his. I will love him even when he leaves me alone at dinner or doesn't feel like going for a drink with me. When every cell in his body wants to spit me out because he isn't sure about us, I will stay because I believe in this, our love story. And it's only just begun.